Are you making these common divorce mistakes? I see them all the time and it would be my advice for you to avoid these traps to save yourself a lot of time, trouble and attorney fees.
Facebook and social media.
Facebook is a treasure trove of information for free discovery about your life, what you did last weekend, and who you did it with. I once had a finding of fault in a divorce trial because we produced pictures of the wife with her boyfriend drinking and boating and having a great time well before the divorce was ever filed. Pictures taken off your facebook are some of the best pieces of evidence I can use against you. Stop the facebook posts or just keep them light. Please don’t insult and disrespect the judge or your spouse. It always finds it’s way into court, trust me.
Talking to your kids about the divorce.
Kids are kids. Let them be kids. Divorce is hard enough on them. It is confusing and it hurts them a lot. No, your 15 year old daughter is not as mature as you may think she is. She is not your friend or your peer. Do not talk about the case with them, who they want to live with, or if they want to see the other parent. It’s not up to them. It’s up to you to promote and foster the relationship, not complain about what happened in court that morning. Kids will look back on it after they are adults and they will not remember it fondly. Judges don’t care for it and you can expect to get read the riot act if you do it.
Hiding assets.
Clients are not as clever as they think they are. Did you really think that great idea you just came up with as to how you can transfer and hide assets is unique? That your spouse’s lawyer or the judge has never seen it before? Divorce may be new to you, but not to the judges and lawyers. There is very little that they haven’t seen. You will make your case more difficult, may get sanctioned, or, worst of all, forfeit any right to the property you were hiding. Forget that 50/50 split you were worried about. The penalty for fraud is high. The law isn’t that your ex only gets half of what he or she finds. Be careful, they just may get it all.
Introducing children to your new love interest.
If you would like to cause your children a lot of stress and confusion, then introduce them to your new boyfriend/girlfriend before the divorce is over. It makes your kids feel abandoned and less important. The divorce becomes about you wanting to date and their feelings of loss don’t matter. Even worse, they now have to get to know this new person and they feel obligated to keep it secret from the other parent because they don’t want to be disloyal to anyone. Not only do kids not like it, neither will your judge. New love interests also make a divorce more difficult. It skews your priorities for a relationship that the odds say won’t last anyway. You only get to do your divorce once. Don’t screw it up for that guy or gal that likely won’t be around long term anyway.
Calling Child Protective Services or getting Personal Protection Orders.
I am not saying don’t call CPS or get a PPO if there is a legitimate reason. If you are your children are in danger, you must protect yourself and the kids. Always. However, there is a large group of litigants that seem to think a negative CPS report will help them in their custody case or that a PPO will get the spouse out of the house faster. Sometimes desperate people take desperate actions. Making up bogus reasons to try to get PPOs or CPS involved rarely works out well. The truth has a way of coming out. Your credibility is shot and it does more harm than good. This is not a strategy a competent lawyer would suggest.
Using the same lawyer.
Money is tight for most everyone and people think it will be a lot less expensive to use the same lawyer. Makes sense except this rarely works out. People come in to see me for this and tell me how they have it all worked out and they just need a lawyer to get them through the process. Then I start asking them questions that they never considered and the problems start. Also, the lawyer does not represent both of you. It’s unethical to serve two clients with opposing interests and is a clear conflict. So the lawyer actually represents only one of you. The other person is representing themselves. The money you save now may cost you a lot later. It can work out but not usually. At a minimum, have an independent lawyer review the judgment before you sign it.
Need a lawyer? Give me a call at 313-291-0240.
Chris McAvoy is a Taylor, Michigan attorney and consumer bankruptcy lawyer who helps people with bankruptcy, divorce, and estate planning. To find out more or set up an appointment, click here for contact info. We help people in Taylor, Allen Park, Southgate, Lincoln Park, Riverview, Trenton, Flat Rock, Wyandotte, Brownstown, Belleville, Dearborn, Dearborn Heights, and the Downriver, Michigan area.